I needed a wee and a bit of wank but I walked past the bathroom and headed straight to the bedroom

Hey there, how are you? So, I really really need a wee and I quite need a wank.

And so, instead of going to the loo and doing a wanking to get the wee out video there,

I just thought I'd come to the bedroom and unleash it all onto a towel and a 5ft puppy pad.

Now, you'll have to excuse me for being out of breath, but I live at sea level, literally, I live at the beach.

Like, 10 minutes walk away. And here, I'm 7000 feet and my goodness, it is flooring me.